When Numbness Becomes Your Normal: My Story of Trauma, Spiritual Warfare, and Freedom

By Melania Macias Christian Trauma Recovery Specialist

Today I want to talk about numbness—when you feel like you can’t feel anything spiritually, physically, or emotionally.

For most of my life, I felt misunderstood. People couldn’t comprehend me because they had never lived through what I had lived through since childhood. Whenever I was misunderstood or told something was wrong with me, I would zone out and go completely numb. It was my way of avoiding hurt, anxiety, or fear. I didn’t know it then, but it was a trauma response—my body’s way of protecting me by disassociating from what was happening.

Later, I learned these moments weren’t just psychological… they were spiritual. These were spirits tormenting me.

Growing Up in Chaos

The trauma response kept me feeling secluded and alone. I would shut down emotionally and tell no one except God. Every time I tried opening up, people didn’t understand how my brain worked or how my thought processes spiraled. I sank deep into depression, isolated myself, and often wished I would die.

I justified my reactions—anger, hate, pushing people away, numbing out—because I believed I was right and everyone else was wrong. Pride wrapped around me like armor. I didn’t even realize the behavior was trauma-induced because this was the environment I grew up in.

Anger. Drunkenness. Hatred. Gossip. Put-downs. Neglect.

That was normal in my house.

My father carried trauma from losing both of his parents at just 13 years old. When he played their favorite old country records, I always knew it was coming—the emotional breakdown wrapped in rage and tears.

My mother had her own trauma—verbal abuse from her mother and more—which she unknowingly passed down to us kids.

My parents simply repeated what they knew. They didn’t know any different. They couldn’t see life from another side because they had never lived on that side.

As a child and teen, I hated my family’s behavior, not realizing I was doing many of the same things—just in different ways.

My Breaking Point at Age 33

I was 33 before I realized there was another side—one that didn’t look anything like the life I’d been living.

I wasn’t broken.
I wasn’t crazy.
I was under spiritual attack.

The intrusive thoughts were constant. They sounded like me but weren’t me. The mind chatter was so loud that focusing was nearly impossible. Reading the Bible required reading the same chapter multiple times because the voices wouldn’t stop. They spoke lies about me and others, convincing me people were against me.

Those voices tore down my identity.

I grew more numb, more cold-hearted, more drained. Anxiety was unbearable. Panic attacks were constantly threatening to surface. Even driving my kids to school became too much. I would be driving when suddenly:

• my heart would race

• panic would rise

• fear would hit

• my hands and feet would tingle

I was barely surviving.

I remember asking God, “Why did You create me to live such a miserable life?”

But God had other plans.

The Moment Everything Changed

When the Lord began revealing to me that I wasn’t broken and this was spiritual, something rose up in me. I got mad. I went full force into deliverance and healing. I wanted to live the way God intended.

Every small step I took brought freedom.

And I will never forget the day the spirits of anxiety, panic, and fear were cast out of me. I became a new person—lighter, freer, no longer tormented. I had to relearn who I was because freedom felt so foreign.

It took six months to adjust to the new me… and that was ten years ago.

Today, I walk in complete freedom.

Do I still have moments of anxiety?
Yes. We’re human.
But irrational, uncontrollable anxiety—that is spiritual.

And sadly, the church often makes people feel ashamed or “less spiritual” for battling these things. Many churches refuse to believe Christians can have demons—but they can.

Why I Teach This Now

The Lord is using me to teach and equip those who are oppressed to walk in freedom. Through experience, mentorship, and the Holy Spirit, I’ve learned that irrational anxiety, fear, and panic are not mental disorders.

I am not a licensed therapist or psychologist.
I am a woman who endured 33 years of torment, day and night.

I speak from the spiritual side.

If something is controlling you, I believe it is more spiritual than not. Yes, the traumas were real. But the enemy uses those wounds to torment you.

Ephesians 6:12 says:

“For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood… but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly realms.”

There is freedom.
There is healing.
You do not have to stay numb, tormented, or alone.

If This Resonates With You…

I want to invite you to my workshop called REDEEM.

In this workshop you will learn:

R — Reveal the Root

When did the anxiety, fear, or panic begin? What opened the door?

E — Expose the Lies

What has the enemy been whispering in your mind? What false identity have you believed?

D — Disarm the Enemy

Rebuild your relationship with God. Break mental strongholds. Restore spiritual authority.

It’s not just information—it’s transformation.

Thank you for reading.
If this spoke to you, please like, share, and follow.

Don't forget to subscribe to never miss an event, podcast, blog, or upcoming specials.